On the heart and stupid haircuts

I was talking to a friend of mine, Maru, over MSN the other night. Her boyfriend had just dumped her, mainly because, though she might love him, she can't seem to get her heart back from the previous boy who'd stolen it. Because the advice I gave her was some of the most philosophical things I've said in a long time, I think I'll pass it on here, to you guys. I'm r o c k ~ s t a r, she's d e l e t e.

d e l e t e----[ f * c k i t uP a n d l 3 t i t g0 ] says:
i dont know if i'll be able to fall inlove again, honestly..
.: r o c k ~ s t a r :. sweet peppermint roses says:
*pat*
d e l e t e----[ f * c k i t uP a n d l 3 t i t g0 ] says:
oh well
.: r o c k ~ s t a r :. sweet peppermint roses says:
you'll get your heart back though, and when you least suspect it
.: r o c k ~ s t a r :. sweet peppermint roses says:
just don't sweat it too much
d e l e t e----[ f * c k i t uP a n d l 3 t i t g0 ] says:
....i hope so
d e l e t e----[ f * c k i t uP a n d l 3 t i t g0 ] says:
honestly thats the only reason i cried when this relationship ended
d e l e t e----[ f * c k i t uP a n d l 3 t i t g0 ] says:
because i came to a realisation...that I dont think i'll ever fall inlove again
.: r o c k ~ s t a r :. sweet peppermint roses says:
you will, trust me...but for now, just give yourself some space to put it all back together
d e l e t e----[ f * c k i t uP a n d l 3 t i t g0 ] says:
...ok
d e l e t e----[ f * c k i t uP a n d l 3 t i t g0 ] says:
i have somebody to numb my lust over with
d e l e t e----[ f * c k i t uP a n d l 3 t i t g0 ] says:
atleast
d e l e t e----[ f * c k i t uP a n d l 3 t i t g0 ] says:
but see...theres no love there
d e l e t e----[ f * c k i t uP a n d l 3 t i t g0 ] says:
with this guy its sheer lust
.: r o c k ~ s t a r :. sweet peppermint roses says:
well, maybe that's all you need right now, no strings attatched or anything
.: r o c k ~ s t a r :. sweet peppermint roses says:
or at least, no serious, long-lasting strings
d e l e t e----[ f * c k i t uP a n d l 3 t i t g0 ] says:
but could it be that i just cant?
.: r o c k ~ s t a r :. sweet peppermint roses says:
well
.: r o c k ~ s t a r :. sweet peppermint roses says:
the funny thing about love and the heart is that, no matter what happens, it always remains very resiliant
.: r o c k ~ s t a r :. sweet peppermint roses says:
you'll be more cynical and realistic as time goes on
.: r o c k ~ s t a r :. sweet peppermint roses says:
but being able to love someone is something that never goes away, no matter how jaded you are or how hurt you've been
.: r o c k ~ s t a r :. sweet peppermint roses says:
of course, you forget this at the time you're hurt, because it's painful, I know I have and do
.: r o c k ~ s t a r :. sweet peppermint roses says:
but hey, it's what makes us human, the good and bad
.: r o c k ~ s t a r :. sweet peppermint roses says:
me, I know love still exists aunque me esta pichando, I just need to be made to see it again
d e l e t e----[ f * c k i t uP a n d l 3 t i t g0 ] says:
lol
d e l e t e----[ f * c k i t uP a n d l 3 t i t g0 ] says:
love te esta pichando >>
.: r o c k ~ s t a r :. sweet peppermint roses says:
it sounds so sad I know >_>
.: r o c k ~ s t a r :. sweet peppermint roses says:
in your case, love's on an extended break being a whore, but when it's done and sees you're still there, it'll realize what it's been missing out on
.: r o c k ~ s t a r :. sweet peppermint roses says:
having nothing but beer and beer nuts to dine on
.: r o c k ~ s t a r :. sweet peppermint roses says:
and it'll think to itself "hot damn, what the fuck is wrong with me?"
d e l e t e----[ f * c k i t uP a n d l 3 t i t g0 ] says:
xD!!!!!!!!!!!
.: r o c k ~ s t a r :. sweet peppermint roses says:
q viaje but it's true
d e l e t e----[ f * c k i t uP a n d l 3 t i t g0 ] says:
hmm..*kicks love* DEJA LA BORRACHERA YA!
.: r o c k ~ s t a r :. sweet peppermint roses says:
*texts love* I KNOW YOU'RE THERE *stalker*
d e l e t e----[ f * c k i t uP a n d l 3 t i t g0 ] says:
xD!!





Moral of the story: maybe I should take my own advice sometimes. But then again, I'm still feeling too jaded to want anything to do with anyone. And yet, I still like someone. I'm not sure what to think over that though, because I no longer like John. Now, I like his brother, Giancarlo. Why?! You know, though, funnily enough, my feelings towards each switched on the same night, that night that John started tapping the hell out of Samaris. But I know why I like Gian. He's a pessimistic jackass, plain and simple. That's the only type of guy I usually see myself dating anyway, seeing as I am bitch myself.

I don't know what to do though. In fact, I don't even want to do anything this week. It's raining por acá en San Juan, and it seems to have sapped me of my usual bounce and energy. All I want to do is stay inside and read and do nothing. Piché a dos de tres clases hoy, which I know will bite me in the ass on Thursday, but hey, you know what? I don't care right now, so HA. Thankfully, I only have one class tomorrow, so I don't think I'll skip it. I really need to stop that anyway. Genius will only get me so far. Like, studying for HUM130 the same day of the test and still getting a 97.

Well, you know, I don't care about being intelligent at the moment. I know I am. I just want my love life to go back to the way it was. It's funny. I was looking at a pic of my ex on Facebook, and almost immediately I had to click somewhere else. I just couldn't keep looking at him. It's been five months, so you'd think I'd be over it. And yet, I can't even look at a picture of him. Not only does it tear me on the inside, it makes me feel worse about the current state of my love life. I just don't get how everyone else seems to have the luck. I might be the girl respects because I'm a bitch, but where does that get me if no guy wants to get close to me? At least I'm not a doormat. That's a small positive.

In other news, this picture, from http://postsecret.blogspot.com/, made me giggle.

It's terribly amusing.

On social constructions

I think the thing most people tend to never realize is the fact that to have sex with someone, you don't necessarily even have to like the person, much less even love them. To have sex with a person, loving them is not a prerequisite.

So then, why is it that society perceives this as the day-to-day norm? This can probably be answered by the fact that love itself is a social construction. El amor es una construcción social, hecho por la sociedad. Though how society shapes the definition of this social construction varies over time and culture, its essence is always the same. The reason for this is because to be in love or to feel love for someone is defined by society, and the whys and hows are usually driven into people subconsciously. Point in case, why white people usually date white people, why rich people date rich people, ect.

Sex, then, as it fits into this particular social construction, is supposed to be an act of love between two people who are supposed to be married (or get married or live together), and will spend the greater part of their lives together. So let's destroy this concept bit by bit. First, marriage itself is slowly (very slowly, but surely) fading out of the norm. It's still widely practiced, obviously. But it's becoming a little antiquated, mainly because we humans are finally realizing that monogamy isn't something that comes natural to us. We can pretend all we like that when we're in a relationship we only have eyes for that person, but let's be honest, if someone you find attractive is around, those eyes are going to wander, least of all.

Second, as I already mentioned, humans are not monogamous. The reason for this is because we fall into the category of mammals in the greater kingdom that is nature. So, fun fact, ten percent of mammal species are monogamous. Humans fall in the other ninety percent. So the thought of being with only one person in your life, much less having sex with just one person, doesn't quite fit into nature's plans. And let's face it, sex is something humans need, not just to procreate, but as an actual physical necessity. If you're the type of zealot Christian who believes in celibacy before marriage, that's your problem. For my part, I intend to satisfy this human need whenever I feel I should, like eating and showering and such.

Finally, to completely smash these outdated notions of monogamy and celibacy, is this: Love is a social construction. It was invented by society to justify sex. Let's not beat around the bush here, when done right, sex and orgasms are the best feelings on earth. Humans are scared of this though. It feels good, but it feels too good. So it has to be justified somehow. And it can't be justified by saying that it's to procreate, because humans have reached the point that sex is needed for more than that, as I mentioned. Us, dolphins and certain species of monkeys know this. So in order to feel better about sex and lust and wanting someone, we invented love, despite the fact that to fuck a whore, all you need is to have your reproductive parts intact and the right state of mind.

I'm not saying love doesn't exist or is entirely useless. I just don't believe in it in the way society defines it, which is love towards one person above others. Love isn't like that at all. Love can be felt towards anyone in different ways and shapes. I love a lot of people, but the way I love each person is completely different, as is the degree. I'm perfectly capable of hooking up and having sex with most of my guy friends, but does that make me a whore? No, it makes me human, and that's the main thing people don't get. Though, to be fair, women do get the raw end of the deal. While casual sex is quite accepted among men, usually when women partake in it, society deems them whores, sluts, ect. Men know this, but they promise eternal love to get into most womens' pants. And women tend to think that they're worth nothing if they're not with a guy. That's where I draw the big, fat line. If you need someone to love in order to fit into society, because otherwise you're not worth a damn thing, then you're simply a shallow, hollow human being, with no substance to hold on to, and with a very screwed perception of what love is.

So then, what's my stance? I think it's already quite obvious. I don't think love is remotely necessary to have sex. It's a human want and need, therefore if I need to satisfy it, I will. I won't sleep with people I don't know, nor will I have one night stands. If any of this makes me a slut in society's eyes, then society can go fuck itself. And what about love? Well, just as I am agnostic when it comes to religion, I don't really believe in love anymore. Or at least, not the way it's commonly defined. To be much more precise, I can't believe in love, because I still can't forget my ex-boyfriend. I'm perfectly capable of liking and crushing on guys still, but the whole deal of serious relationships doesn't seem worth the trouble at the moment. If and when someone comes along and shows me that he's worth the time and effort, I'll reconsider my stance.

This entry is brought to you by lack of sleep. It was also inspired by some conversations I had with friends today.

On being respected

To my loyal audience of readers: I apologize for both not updating enough, and for not being more present 'round the blog ring. Honestly, I really don't have much time to spare to both update this blog and comment on other blogs. But, hopefully I'll be around more often during the summer. My audience must be loyal for a reason, so I gotta deliver more often.

So, as those of you who've been keeping up know, there's been this guy that I've been liking. Long story short, I haven't told him I like him or made a move or anything of the sort. My main reason is that I caught wind of the fact that he is, essentially, a man whore. He's a good guy, and a great friend, but somehow, dating a whore doesn't sound like a good idea, especially a man whore. Whores have a tendency to back stab and whatnot, and I kinda don't want to get caught up in that sort of game.

However, this doesn't take away the fact that I like him, because, I'll admit it, he's the type of guy I find most attractive: lazy, an asshole, fun-loving, loyal, quirky. But, sometime last week, a girl that no one knows just appears seemingly out of nowhere around our hangout spot. In essence, she is my antithesis: cute, girly, giggly, air-head, short. As I mentioned, the guy is a whore. Put two and two together. And of course, as is natural in human nature, I was jealous. I was less jealous of the fact that they're now hooking up than the fact that he hooked up with a girl that's my antithesis.

But, magically, my jealousy evaporated almost entirely on Monday, for one simple reason: I realized that he respects me as a friend as a person, more so compared to this girl. Compare this. That day, me saluda como siempre. We talk and joke as always. I accompany him to eat since his brother was running late. He pays the extra change for my food, without even having to. To that other girl, he says hi by making out, makes random casual talk with her, and makes out with her at every opportunity. Not to mention some other things that I don't want to know about, since it happened in the back of a classroom auditorium.

If I compare and think about it, I realize that I've got the better end of the deal. More than that, compared to this girl, he respects me. He is a friend who wants to have fun with me, not just get into my pants and then never speak to me again. But most of all, it finally gave me proof of what I've always been told all these years. Guys might hook up with the easy girls, but the girls they respect and keep around are the ones that are smart, funny and who can think for themselves. So I might not be getting laid, but I am getting a good friendship out of this. I value this much more than anything else.

This past weekend, I cut my hair short.



It's quite a difference, I know. But I'll let you all in on a secret. Though the cut isn't modeled around her, my reason for doing it are the same as Sakura's from the anime Naruto. She'd kept her hair long and pretty because she'd heard that the object of her affections, Sasuke, liked girls with long hair. But, when he and her other teammate needed her, she realized that she could no longer focus on such a trivial thing anymore. She needed to break away from this, and become strong enough to fight and protect. Granted, I wasn't being attacked by enemy ninjas when I went to cut my hair, but the idea was the same.

Quite philosophical, especially when you consider the fact that it's from an anime. My friend Gabe (who's also psychic) almost immediately compared me to Sakura when he saw me, so perhaps he's the only one who can see why I might've cut my hair. At any rate, it's different, it's cute, and I like it.

On a final note, I'll make a new layout in summer, with bigger font. I'm sorry, I just can't put the font bigger here. It doesn't look aesthetically right in my eyes, and I'm just as big on style as I am on content. It's sometimes hard to be an artist.

On having a life

It occurs to me that I haven't been updating as much as I've promised to. Then again, when I sit to think about it, life's been moving exactly the way I told myself it would at the start of the year: fast, hectic, and with almost no stops.

My classes, overall, have been going okay. I'm doing more than excellent in CMU101 and HUM130, I'm doing pretty okay in ADM102 and GME201, and MAT210...I don't want to talk about it. In terms of tests, I aced CMU101, probably did terrible in the MAT210 test, and hopefully did good on my ADM102 test. The ADM102 test was the test I put most effort in to study, because it was a lot of material. I was the last to leave, since I wrote tons. I hope my effort was for something. This week, I'm probably going to spend a few nights without any sleep studying, first for my GME201 test, and then for my HUM130 test. Though I'm naturally good at humanities and history, the HUM130 test still has me pretty nervous, but I'm more worried about GME201. I really, really don't want to do bad on either test. So I will probably just do the same thing I did for ADM102 and hit the pause button on my social life.

But hey, we all know that class is the least important part of college life. How about my social life, eh? It's pretty damn good. Since the semester's started, I've made a lot of new friends, and managed to keep the majority of my old ones. A lot of crazy stuff's happened, that's putting it quite lightly. I think a picture will be a good way to describe what I'm talking about.



If you find it hilarious, that's okay, so does everyone else. Pretty much, most of the week is a succession of random events that are almost impossible to string together. They usually involve liberal amounts of randomness, blatant stupidity and alcohol. Yes, I love my alochol. Probably more than most anything. I think it's fairly obvious that I'm most definitely my dad's daughter, since according to him, I'm just like him when he was my age: drinker, smoker, fucker, ect ect. But not to worry, I know my limits. If I didn't , I wouldn't be worried about my classes, right?

Now, I dunno, maybe I'm being harsh, but at least 3/4's of the time, I can't stand my roommate. She's out six out of seven days a week partying, for one. She gets back at 3-7am. She keeps leaving stuff on MY side of the room. And she's constantly inviting people in here, talking about this guy or that date. And it makes me sick. I'v e been more able to tolerate this since she was more than kind to lend me her ADM102 notes, but that feeling is going away. I really want my own apartment, but even if I managed to get a job, I won't be able to afford one. I'm thinking maybe I'll move in with my grandma, who lives in Bayamon, and just take the train up here to Sagrado every day. It would make paying for college easier, at any rate.

So, overall, life's good. It's stressful, fun, random, and each day is most definitely not like the last. I want life to stay this way all year. I hate monotany and boredom, and college life is definitely a remedy for both things.

To go with that, I must be off. LIFE CALLS.