Thursday, March 15, 2007

On social constructions

I think the thing most people tend to never realize is the fact that to have sex with someone, you don't necessarily even have to like the person, much less even love them. To have sex with a person, loving them is not a prerequisite.

So then, why is it that society perceives this as the day-to-day norm? This can probably be answered by the fact that love itself is a social construction. El amor es una construcción social, hecho por la sociedad. Though how society shapes the definition of this social construction varies over time and culture, its essence is always the same. The reason for this is because to be in love or to feel love for someone is defined by society, and the whys and hows are usually driven into people subconsciously. Point in case, why white people usually date white people, why rich people date rich people, ect.

Sex, then, as it fits into this particular social construction, is supposed to be an act of love between two people who are supposed to be married (or get married or live together), and will spend the greater part of their lives together. So let's destroy this concept bit by bit. First, marriage itself is slowly (very slowly, but surely) fading out of the norm. It's still widely practiced, obviously. But it's becoming a little antiquated, mainly because we humans are finally realizing that monogamy isn't something that comes natural to us. We can pretend all we like that when we're in a relationship we only have eyes for that person, but let's be honest, if someone you find attractive is around, those eyes are going to wander, least of all.

Second, as I already mentioned, humans are not monogamous. The reason for this is because we fall into the category of mammals in the greater kingdom that is nature. So, fun fact, ten percent of mammal species are monogamous. Humans fall in the other ninety percent. So the thought of being with only one person in your life, much less having sex with just one person, doesn't quite fit into nature's plans. And let's face it, sex is something humans need, not just to procreate, but as an actual physical necessity. If you're the type of zealot Christian who believes in celibacy before marriage, that's your problem. For my part, I intend to satisfy this human need whenever I feel I should, like eating and showering and such.

Finally, to completely smash these outdated notions of monogamy and celibacy, is this: Love is a social construction. It was invented by society to justify sex. Let's not beat around the bush here, when done right, sex and orgasms are the best feelings on earth. Humans are scared of this though. It feels good, but it feels too good. So it has to be justified somehow. And it can't be justified by saying that it's to procreate, because humans have reached the point that sex is needed for more than that, as I mentioned. Us, dolphins and certain species of monkeys know this. So in order to feel better about sex and lust and wanting someone, we invented love, despite the fact that to fuck a whore, all you need is to have your reproductive parts intact and the right state of mind.

I'm not saying love doesn't exist or is entirely useless. I just don't believe in it in the way society defines it, which is love towards one person above others. Love isn't like that at all. Love can be felt towards anyone in different ways and shapes. I love a lot of people, but the way I love each person is completely different, as is the degree. I'm perfectly capable of hooking up and having sex with most of my guy friends, but does that make me a whore? No, it makes me human, and that's the main thing people don't get. Though, to be fair, women do get the raw end of the deal. While casual sex is quite accepted among men, usually when women partake in it, society deems them whores, sluts, ect. Men know this, but they promise eternal love to get into most womens' pants. And women tend to think that they're worth nothing if they're not with a guy. That's where I draw the big, fat line. If you need someone to love in order to fit into society, because otherwise you're not worth a damn thing, then you're simply a shallow, hollow human being, with no substance to hold on to, and with a very screwed perception of what love is.

So then, what's my stance? I think it's already quite obvious. I don't think love is remotely necessary to have sex. It's a human want and need, therefore if I need to satisfy it, I will. I won't sleep with people I don't know, nor will I have one night stands. If any of this makes me a slut in society's eyes, then society can go fuck itself. And what about love? Well, just as I am agnostic when it comes to religion, I don't really believe in love anymore. Or at least, not the way it's commonly defined. To be much more precise, I can't believe in love, because I still can't forget my ex-boyfriend. I'm perfectly capable of liking and crushing on guys still, but the whole deal of serious relationships doesn't seem worth the trouble at the moment. If and when someone comes along and shows me that he's worth the time and effort, I'll reconsider my stance.

This entry is brought to you by lack of sleep. It was also inspired by some conversations I had with friends today.


Manny said...

el amor es como un hot dog sin pan, es sabroso pero te gustaria mas con pan

KiWi said...

jaja... Este manny esta kbron... but yeah, basically hes right.

I really like how the argument is exposed in the writting.