Monday, September 18, 2006

On a general list of things to remember/learn

Some rules and things to remember.

#5: Yes, it does slip out. And yes, it's fucking hilarious, so the best way to get over it is to just laugh your asses off and then give one another blowjobs.

#36: The best way to know you're comfortable with the person whom you're currently fucking is if you're having a perfectly normal conversation during the fucking. "How was your week?" "Kinda crazy, yours?" "Pretty okay."

#50: No matter what they say, guys like the dominating latina as much as they like the submissive latina.

#120: If the girl's cooch is drying up more than it should, it means her period's imminent. Really imminent. As in, next day imminent. (Yes, my period came this morning. -Ed.)
a. You can always expect your period to come on time when it shouldn't, and to come late when it shouldn't. In other words, that time of the month's a cunt.
b. On the bright side, if you get it at the beginning of the week, by the weekend, you can have unprotected sex. (And that's the only reason why I'm not really pissed. Those fuckers at Disney better give me next Sunday off (or start me after 2 or 3pm). -Ed.)

#223: Your roommate won't mind catching you guys in the act so much as when the guy you're fucking starts making fun of the guy said roommate likes to fuck.

#224: When your roommate(s) does/do catch you, it's still funny anyway, so it's best to laugh this off too.

#457: When closing your door to ensure privacy, make sure that the cat you let out isn't the deaf, psycho one who lives under the bed. Put on your glasses if you have to. If you, indeed, accidentally let it out, if it scratches to go back in, no matter what sort of sexual position you may be in, let the fucker in.


~Blue Angel*~ said...

I loved this piece
so trueee
everything is soo true

justmeguy said...

my god, and you only just lost your virginity. I want to see this blog a year from
Very perceptive stuff you write here!!!

Di said...

blue angel: It's funny because it's true. =D

justmeguy: This happened in one night, I kid you not. So you have every right to anticipate what this blog'll be like in a year.

Mr Angry said...

Very perceptive rules Di. I'm keen to learn what ones exist between the numbers you published!