So, to all you Christians out there who practice this in some way, I hope you have a good Holy Week? I dunno, I'm really not sure how I'm supposed to tell people to go ardently do what they believe in when it comes to Holy Week. Christmas is fine, I just say Merry Christmas. Holy Week's another story. Maybe Happy Easter would do it? I guess this is the trouble of being a misfit agnostic. Or, more precisely, of not having a religion due to the fact that I don't believe in the institute of religion. I could go on and on about this, but I think my religious views can be saved for another blog entry.
The upside of Holy Week is that, well, I've got the whole week off. It's the Puerto Rican version of spring break I guess. Except that, unlike most spring break people, I'm not off partying. I'm just spending the week unwinding and being way more boring than during a school week. It's sort of twisted and fucked up logic, but well, it works for me. Seeing as I don't have plans for the week so far that I know, and I am doing my best to unwind, basically all this free time gives me a chance to think. I mean, okay, I already think a little too much to begin with, but with the absence of usual worries like going to class, getting work done, not falling asleep, going out, and all that, I can think of other things.
SO I BET YOU CAN'T GUESS WHAT IS ONE THING THAT'S BEEN ON MY MIND. Well, it's not exactly the topic of love per se. It's more like, I'm trying to analyze and put the pieces together of one guy in particular. As I'm sure I've mentioned, I've currently got my eye on a guy nicknamed Gian. That's fine and good. I'm not denying it to myself right now anymore. I know I like the guy for a lot of reasons. But what I keep turning over and over in my mind right now, actually, isn't whether or not I like him, or why I like him. Right now, what I'm trying to do is figure out his stance on me.
Now, this could sound simple. But, Gian is a very...complex guy, so to say. I mean, he's a guy, so there're a lot of things he's not complicated about (sex, being a dickhead, food). It's more when you try getting down to a deeper level. It's so very clear that he doesn't let on to what he's really thinking at least half the time. And he's also very smart, which is something you wouldn't noticed since él se viste como un tirao and isn't the most applied student on earth. I have made the effort to get to know him more. I like talking to him, and whenever he asks me how life is, I tell him and ask him back, or vice versa. And I took the opportunity a couple of weeks back to ask him a couple of things I was curious about, over beer and smokes. Oddly enough though, when he asked me who I liked, I refused to tell him. (I'm still smacking myself over that.)
But I can't really tell what he thinks about me exactly. I guess he thinks I'm a good friend. I know he doesn't hate me. Beyond that, though, I have no idea. The reason I'm so confused is that, since he's smart (and a cunning bastard), he has a habit of outsmarting me and of getting under my skin. Sometimes, he might say this or that that makes me hit him. Sometimes he'll be nice. Most of the time he'll tease me or purposely provoke me. But the killer is this. Two times, in a group of people (the second time when we went out drinking), he's said, for no reason (or so I thought), "Ah, creo que Di me odia". I don't think I said anything the first time he did that, but the second time, I said, "Uh, dude, no I don't hate you, I like you quite a bit. You're the one who hates me". And I found out he doesn't hate me due to the fact that he said, "De dónde diablos sacas eso?" But, what I wouldn't think about until much, much later, is that he was probably playing dumb to figure out where I stood, since I didn't tell him when he asked me directly.
Overall, I'm still slightly annoyed, because it means he outsmarted me AGAIN. But more than annoyed, I'm trying to figure out what to do to see where he stands now. I can't bet against him (I've learned my lesson never to bet against that fucker again). So I don't know how to get around his defenses and render him to my feet. I like the challenge, though. I always like it when I come across a guy who's a challenge. But it's also frustrating since I hate to lose. I had a tarot card reading the other day, and one suggestion from the cards was to stop with the strategy and the subtlety and be direct about it. But I just wonder how to be direct since I really don't enjoy rejection when it comes to dating. I'm really just not sure. Actually, I think I should talk to my friend Gabe once the week's over and class stars up again. He usually has good advice and an inherent sixth sense. So I might figure out what I could (and should) do by then.
It's quite strange though. I'm not betting everything I have on this dude, but I've turned down the last three guys who've asked me out on dates. I don't know why either. It would've been a sure-fire shot at getting laid at least, and I would've gone out and had some fun in the process. And yet, I said no to these guys. I really, really don't know why. Well, if I figure it out, I'll get back to you guys on that.
So, happy Easter. Get loads of those Peep marshmallows.