Thursday, November 09, 2006

On living

The past three months sure have been strange. But they've also been life-altering. I think, what I really wanted most, deep down, was clarity, and a sense of where to go in life. I didn't have that three months ago. I wasn't sure of what I wanted. I thought that maybe going off to Chicago would give me the answers I needed. And I was right, even if it wasn't the way I was planning it to be. I'm more defined now that I ever was before. I know where I want to go now. I want to finish what I've started. And I'm done being rebellious and being a misfit (mostly).

I've learned that love doesn't mean shit. I've learned that even if you make mistakes in the eyes of others, you can still be forgiven and redeemed. I've even learned that there's still kindness to be found in random places. I've learned that, unless you're a crack addict, you shouldn't work at a Disney Store. I've learned that happiness can be found anywhere if you look for it. I've learned that sometimes, you can go back and fix a mistake, and that not everything is irreversable.

Most of all, though, I've learned not to give up. I've learned and seen for myself that I really do have the inner strength and to carry on, to move forward and to make decisions. I've learned that no matter how many times I fall, that no matter how many times I get stabbed and thrown to the ground, that I still somehow have the resiliance to get right back up. I've learned that, in a few years, I will be even stronger, and that I will have the strength to make my ambitions and dreams come true.

I'm going to miss the people I met here. Even though I've got a love-hate thing for him at the moment, I'm going to deeply miss Sam. I hope that the next time I see him, it'll be him in the front row of my future band's sold-out concert. I'm going to miss the people I met at DePaul, even if I didn't really know them that well. I'll also miss Justin. I wish we could've gotten closer.

Most of all, I'm going to miss Manda, more than I can put in words. I've got a deep feeling in my gut that I'll be seeing her again in a few years, when we're older ('cause she's Nana Komatsu, and I'm Nana Oosaki)...but I'm still going to very much miss her.

You've given me a lot, Chicago. And who knows, I might be back in some years. It was good while it lasted.


Anonymous said...

¿Te vas de Chicago?

Anonymous said...

well, you learned your lessons, which is a good thing.