Sunday, June 18, 2006

On hell and thoughts

So, for those who've started reading my novel, thank you. It's quite appreciated, lemme tell you. Hopefully, I'll start revising it soon. Like, later tonight soon. If I feel like it. Well, I should feel like it. I placed a goal on myself to get it published by the end of this year, and I intend to fulfill that goal even if it kills me. Though, preferably, I'd like to, y'know, not die in the process. Also because I started writing a new novel already, and I have yet another one that I've had since 2003. I've barely written in it though, since I'm stuck. But, I have faith that sooner or later, the concept will completely tie itself together and I can sit and write.

Anyway, all this about writing and publising has me thinking. I have no idea how to get a book published. I haven't the slightest clue where to start, where to go, what I'm supposed to do, how does the whole thing work. In short, I'm lost in this. I think what I need is just a slight push in the right direction for me to get this whole publishing thing going. I mean, what exactly am I supposed to do? Send this to publishing houses or set up appointments or what? It's all kinda confusing and complicated. Maybe if I ran a search on Google something'll pop up. Google's awesome like that. Hey, gotta look somewhere, right?

All this thought of how to get things published though also gets me thinking about my wish/dream/goal to become a top-tier actress. Where the fuck do I start? No, really. Do I get some kind of agent who'll get me small roles and stuff, and work my way up slowly but surely? Do I look up auditions myself? I'm not doubting the fact that I will be one of the most talented actresses this world'll see, but it's still nerve wracking to think about where it is I'm supposed to start. 'Cause once I know where to start, the rest falls in place, it's always been like that for me. That, and if there's one good quality I have, among my twisted ones, it's that I'm a goal-centered person. I might lack motivation at times and I might be lazy, but when I have a well-defined goal set, I work hard and long till that goal is met. Thank God I'm like that, otherwise I wouldn't have the motivation for this.

Funny thought though. What'll happen when I become famous and people find this blog and realize "hey WOW it's this girl from this movie, she was totally awesome in it!" or "this is the author of that book? Wow, gotta read!"? Well, maybe not the second, since I plan on publishing under pennames. But still. The thought of a boatload of fans reading this is motivating, satisfying, creepy and scary all at the same time. But that doesn't scare me as much as the thought of papparazzi. I figure if I just ignore that whole deal and keep my private life private (the way it should be), it might not be such a problem. Another good quality I have is that I'm so aloof with my head in the clouds that fame and money probably won't do a thing to change me. I'd probably just use the fame to do crazy awesome stuff and the money to build my own giant robot. But hey, if you had the opportunity, you'd do the exact same thing. Don't say you wouldn't, I can see you.

I wonder when it was I started thinking that I'd be at the top one day. Hmm...I think I've always thought that. I'd used to watch movies or TV shows and instead of thinking of the people in it as faraway objects that are just for entertainment, I'd think of them as my predecessors, the people that I'd be replacing someday with my own talent. I've been told I'm a good actress since first grade, even though I didn't really start believing in myself till high school. And I've had a knack for writing, even if I didn't really see it as such till some time ago. I'd always been indecisive as to what it is I'd be in the future, but maybe it wasn't that I was indecisive. Maybe I was just gravitating around different things, subconsciously deciding whether or not this or that would suit me, and if I decided that it didn't, I'd move on to something new. Considering I haven't changed my mind about acting or writing, and that I've decided to give the music world a whirl too, I think I've finally settled on my true callings. I'm glad anyway, nothing's worse than gravitating through life without meaning or purpose.

Today was a pretty good day too. 'Twas sunny at the beach. I also decided to reread Fruits Basket, probably one of my favorite manga series, and been playing LoZ: Wind Waker a little more. Now, instead of sailing aimlessly, I'm now sailing around, finding charts which I have to get deciphered for insane amounts of in-game money, to later go to the spots and dig up whatever it is I have to dig up. Ugh, I have a headache just thinking about it.

And now, Happy Father's Day. I leave you with AMV Hell 3: The Motion Picture. If you have about an hour and eight minutes to kill, go ahead and watch it, even if you don't like anime or don't know what it is. It's pure hilarity.

The sound quality's horrible, but that's because the YouTube version went from being the original 700MB to about 78MB, so it's easier to load.

Also, Italy and the US tied in their game yesterday. Damn you Italy, you should've effin' won! Then again, with the US going on complete defense, it's not a surprise.

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