Thursday, June 01, 2006

On clarification and general contemplation

Yeah, I figured that I should just clarify some stuff about myself.

I have no idea how old I sound in these entries. I've re-read them, and I think I sound over 23 years old. Well, I'm not. I'm 18. I'll be 19 next month (July). I guess I just sound older because I don't rely on net speak, and because my way of expressing myself is, on the whole, very cynical and sarcastic. Am I actually cynical and sarcastic? Yes and no. I am sarcastic, but that's been hardcore ingrained into my personality for God knows how long. I'm not actually cynical though. A little jaded maybe, but not cynical. True cynicism comes with age, when you've seen enough of the world to make a proper judgement on things.

Now, what exactly do I do in life? Good question. Well, I'm supposed to be a college student. Pa' los que son de Puerto Rico, soy estudiante de Sagrado, pero vivo en San Germán cuando no estoy por allá. And I'm going into my second year starting August, still as a Theater major, with plans to maybe get a minor in telecommunication. Uh, that's if I decide to finish college. In actuality, I want to drop out, move to the US (Chicago, specifically), and start working on becoming a famous actress, writer and rock star. Yes yes, college is important and this whole plan of mine could just fail completely. But you know what, that doesn't bother me, because I know I'm not going to fail. It'll take some years, but I'll reach the top, just you guys wait. If I don't? Well, at least I'll have tried, right? I'd rather try and fail than not try at all.

And finally, I'm sure you guys must've picked up on this already, but my views on religion and God are not exactly the norm. In general, I think most of my views would offend your average, church-abiding Christian. Don't get me wrong, I still believe in God. But on the whole, I don't really have faith in the church anymore. Why should a church dictate my faith anyway? If God is supposed to love all his kids, then why would he condemn them to hell for making mistakes? Also, this correlates to the fact that I think the ideas of good and evil are completely subjective, made up by us humans because we feel the need to regulate ourselves. Humans are all about survival, because we're still animals. We just have the capacity to actually realize when we fuck up. On the whole, I consider myself a modern-day existentialist. Existentialism as defined by Wikipedia:
Existentialism is a philosophical movement that is generally considered an outlook, or a perspective, on life that pursues the question of the meaning of life or the meaning of existence for the "existing individual". This question is seen as being of paramount importance, above all other scientific and philosophical pursuits. Existentialism also considers the psychological importance of existence and deals with concepts such as anxiety, dread, freedom, awareness of death, and consciousness of existing.
Whether it shows in my entries or not, human existence, its meaning, and all the things that tie it together are extremely important to me. In fact, I think that's why I started this particular blog in the first place. I wanted to be able to write out my thoughts on life and human existence as I see them, because these two things constantly perplex me. It's a never-ending quest of sorts. I might write a book about it someday, when I'm done with my current novel.

Speaking of, it's nearly done. I still need to write the very last part, and then revise the whole thing, and then figure out how to get it published. If you're interested, go take a look here. I'm still just a wannabe writer, since I have nothing published (asides a few poems in a few anthologies), but, just like with my acting and rock-star career, that'll change soon.

I'll write about myself as an actress in a future entry perhaps. For now, go watch the music video for Girl Anachronism by The Dresden Dolls. Amanda Palmer has issues, and she fucking knows it. So I leave you all with that. Meanwhile, I'll be taking a look at other blogs, to see if I can find some good reads. Cheers!

1 comment:

justmeguy said...

Its good to see someone with such clear views. I agree with your views on religion. I respect people who follow a certain religous doctrine, but I find the whole orghanized religion thing to be pretty much of a scam.
And...about's a great city and they have the Cubs ;-)