Sunday, December 10, 2006

On finding our voice

As I flipped through my friends-page on LiveJournal this morning, sleepy from having gone to bed past 1am (I was at a Ragnarok Online marriage -- don't ask), I stopped scrolling all of a sudden. At that moment, I'd just been hit with a question. Why do people blog? Why do people keep journals on the Internet for all to see and read? I mean, really, is there a point? Writing a blog means you're expressing yourself on the Internet. But anyone who's been using the Internet since it became popular in the mid-90's will know that trends come and go faster than you can even type the word "trend". Plus, it's the Internet. It's as big as the universe itself almost. Finding the means to have your voice heard is both difficult and time-consuming. So anyone has to wonder why even bother.

During the time I've spent blogging, I've seen all types of blogs. I've seen blogs of 15 year old emo kids who can't spell to save their lives and usually make 8 entries a day (if not more). I've seen blogs that stream video of themselves. I've seen blogs that pretend to be the blogs of someone's pet. Basically, if there's a subject to write about, a blog also exists about it. It's similar to Rule #34, which is, there's porn of it, no exceptions. I imagine that Rule #34 a. would be, there's also a blog of it, no exceptions. Emo kids who don't do a damn asides cry virtual tears about how their lives suck and how no one understands? There's a blog. Bee hives? There's a blog. That old VCR of yours? If there isn't one of it yet, there will be. Yet, of all the countless blogs that exist out there, precious few will ever be known by a large amount of people.

So then, why? Good question. Why am I even writing? Another good question. I think the most appropriate answer is that we all want to have our voices heard, however insignificant it may be. 15 year old emo kids want to embarrass themselves by crying virtual tears. People want to tape themselves and get a chance to have someone see them (I'd do a video post if I had a video camera, for the record). Hell, maybe pets want to keep blogs themselves, so their owners do it for them. Let's face it, how many of us will ever publish the book of our lives, much less even write it? Let's pretend for a moment that I myself am an aspiring novelist. Anyway, maybe Internet blogging gives us all a chance to have our thoughts and voices heard, however insignificant it may be. In the process, those of us who were wondering where our voices were find them lying buried deep in the ground, and bring them to the surface. Or else we find how different our voices have become over the course of time.

That is the general blogging community. But what about me? Why the hell do I blog? I mean, I maintain about five different blogs. The two blogs that are of most importance at the moment are my LiveJournal and this blog, Can't you just fix me? One is my personal journal, the one in which I couldn't care less if I sound like an angsty 19 year old, and where I frequently display affection for my fandoms (it's the former). The other is the blog in which I write for sentences on end about anything that I think is important, in the most entertaining (or sarcastic, whichever) way I can possibly think of (it's the latter). Occasionally, I write some angst here too, but it's only when I feel I should. One blog is the one I only want certain people to read, because I've been writing in it since I was 16, hence there's immaturity and (shudder) emo (it's the former). The other is the blog that I want to become well-known someday (someday), and it's the latter. But why bother?

Well, I won't go on about why I keep my LiveJournal. As for this one...well, at first, it wasn't even intentional. I'd just read an article in El Nuevo Día about "how to blog" (snicker) around May of this year, and I decided that there shouldn't even be how-to guides on how to keep and maintain blogs. So I made this, with the intention of making each and every entry thought-provoking, even if it only a sentence or two was written. And here I am now, still writing. I must truly think that people enjoy reading sarcastic wisdom from someone who's barely lived for two decades (and only remembers one and a half of it). But see, I don't want my voice to just be "heard". I don't want to just "find" my voice either. I found my voice in high school, thank you, acting. I want to be listened to. When you hear something, you simply hear the random noise it's making. But when you listen to it, you're able to understand what it is that's trying to be said, be it someone's voice, the wind going by your ears, or the muffled ticking of your watch. It's not just random noise anymore; it's a voice. And I want my voice to not be random noise, I want it to be listened to and distinguished from other voices and singled out. I want people to stop and think, "hey, she actually says something somewhat important, let me stop and read this thing for awhile". If all my life, all people do is hear me, but not listen to me, then I've utterly failed.

Of course, maybe this correlates to the fact that I hold the lofty goal of becoming famous. Or maybe I'm just a 19 year old who thinks she knows everything and is really just an immature brat. I don't really care. Even if I'm never listened to, and simply heard, at the end of the day, I like writing here. It's an outlet. And I seem to be moderately entertaining, since I have a small (albeit loyal) audience.

In other news, I managed to completely redesign the layout of this blog, so it looks spiffy now. I even made the header myself. I feel awesome.


Mr Angry said...

I can't speak for anyone else but my reason for starting a blog was to practice my writing. I'm a firm believer taht if you write regularly with the intention of getting better you *will* get better.

I was originally intending to develop material for stand-up comedy (which I've done a little of) but the blog itself has become more important. And like you, I want to be famous.

Di said...

mr angry: I dunno, I honest to God thing it'd be great to be well-known among bloggers. Which is probably why I still update this. XD

Anonymous said...

A little suggestion Di: please use a larger font..., b/c a 27 years old and almost bling guy almost can't read them. =)

Di said...

ciudadanoem: I'm still tinkering, but I kinda liked the font this size. =/ Still you have a point. I'll fix it later.