Wednesday, July 05, 2006

On...a lotta things

I was going to write this yesterday, but at some point, I completely forgot. So I'll try writing it now. So, since I missed, happy late BBQ day people. I hope you all went to the beach or the mall or lighted illegal fireworks or stuffed yourself with Chinese takeout BBQ. I had a thought of writing perhaps a politically inclined entry in relation to the 4th of July, because, believe it or not, I'm quite left-wing, not-really-pro-American. But hell, I couldn't come up with anything. So let's just forget that, shall we?

Anyway, more importantly, yesterday marked seven months of being kinda not single (long story short, my significant other and I are seriously dating, but we're also casually dating others for a lot of reasons I don't care to write out here). This means that this is the longest a relationship has ever lasted me, and I'm not sure what to think. Actually, the one thing I'd really love to know is what is it I'm doing right this time. I mean, all the other times, I thought I was doing things right, but for one reason or another, the relationships always fell apart. It didn't matter how much or how little time it took...they just did. I could also be cursing myself and have this relationship fall apart today (of all days), but I kinda doubt that.

I think one reason things might've worked out thus far is because we were best friends to start with. He was one of my best friends, and before that we hated each other to death. Funny how things turn out. But a problem that I've found is that most people might jump into a serious relationship with someone and barely know them from the start. That just screams kiss of death, because you have to learn about this person during the relationships, and any disputes and arguments that flare up leave behind indelible scars and marks, to remind you about it later on. At least, when you know the person already, you can avoid touching upon nerves that shouldn't be touched. If you barely know the person, then don't make it so serious to start with, take it slow. Unless something happens like an alien invasion, you have all the time in the world, so why rush?

But, I think a bigger reason this whole deal's worked till now is the fact that he is probably the first significant other I'm completely myself around. All the others before, I might've been myself to an extent, but mostly, I just pretended to be someone else, just to please their fantasies. I guess I was just lonely, and I didn't want things to go wrong, but time and again, things went wrong anyway. With this guy, though, I put aside that mask and charade, and I'm as stubborn and sadistic and twisted and just plain me as I want to be. And, strangely enough, none of it bothers him. I kind of wish I knew why.

So, cheers to seven months.

And, more importantly, cheers to me being 19 years old as of 4am of today. My general thought: damn, I'm still alive, what the hell? So I wonder how things'll turn out from here on out. It's not that I expected to be dead by 19, but I also never knew what to think if I did get to this age. I couldn't imagine it when I was 12, that's for sure. I wonder if I knew I'd be who I am, that I'd be this way way back when. I guess not. I'm both proud and disappointed in how I've turned out, but things like that can't be changed. Thus far, I've gotten a great birthday cake, loads of cash, a brand-new watch, and Xenogears for the PS1. Yes, something new to waste time on as soon as I'm done with my second Kingdom Hearts 2 file.

Sure looks like you guys are though...


carol said...

happy bday!!!

justmeguy said...

Happy birthday.
And you are right, relationships that begin as friendships are the best!!!